Mile 50.5

**I originally started this post yesterday and thought I better cool off before I hit post and then wrote a whole other post yesterday. This is a my diary, my very public diary and not meant to teach anyone anything. If someone finds something to take away from this, either good or bad, then I wish them well and peace and hugs if they want them. 🙂

Good morning! It’s (Friday) Saturday, and that’s reason to celebrate. It’s September 4, 2020 (again it is Sept 5, 2020) and so much has been happening in the world. Many head scratching things have been said that make me say, “hmmmm?” more often than in the past. Anyhow, I have seen some remarkable points from some people I love and respect about why they are voting for big cheese. They had some valid points, I just can’t remember any of them as I was too busy trying to get my jaw off the floor as I read their very public statements. So, I was going to respond on that social media site and I thought better of it, as that is never a good thing. I will put why I would not vote for the big cheese.

It worked! Here is one of the GIFs that I created out of Hatch Chilis.

First of all, can you spell BANKRUPTCY? Big Cheese has never filed for personal bankruptcy, no, he hides under a LLC, or holding company so others get to go down with the ship. Remember Trump University? Businesses that he has personally had a hand in that filed bankruptcy total: six. Can the great United States file bankruptcy? I wonder?

I was going to list three things to follow the high school English report style but I think I can stop right here with this: How many sexual harassment suits has he had brought against him? Sadly, that number is at least 17. However, when you have lots of money to play with, charges like those go away or women get made to look like they wanted it or are gold diggers. Lately, Hubby and I have talked, ad nauseum, as it is helping me heal past hurts in my life.

When I was 15, I went hiking with a couple of my guy friends in Fish Canyon. The trip was fun, sort of, I remember sliding down the side of a hill and getting a nasty scrape from the top of my hip to just over the back of my knee. None of us had a car and we walked there and back which was around 5 miles round trip from our high school. On the way back from the hike, we stopped at a friends house, my best friend at the time. We didn’t stay long, I think we used the restroom and got a drink of water. The one thing that I will never forget was what my friends mom told me, and I was still a virgin at the time. “You look like you were rode hard and put down wet!” and then she walked away. I admit, I was no angel, I did drink and smoke cigarettes but I did like school at that point and had good grades. I had to have good grades as I played sports. I didn’t know what that meant and wondered for a long time. A few weeks later I asked my oldest sister what that meant and she told me. I was mortified. My friends Mom had already formed an opinion about me. Me, the one who did not wear make-up or have boyfriends. A few months later I was walking home from tennis practice and some guys that used to go to my school drove by and offered to give me a ride home. I knew when we passed Beardslee school and turned on that street near the rock quarry I may not see another day. I never told anyone, not my sister, not my friends, not anyone. I was so embarrassed and that was the first time I thought about swallowing a bottle of pills. I knew I would be blamed for it. Sadly, no one noticed the change in my behavior, only that I was out of control. As an example, a few years later, I did tell someone when my own brother-in-laws touched me inappropriately in my sisters hot tub only to not be believed because after all, I was a teenage mother and I was asking for it. Did it end there? No, I will skip over the many things I have seen and heard but the last thing occurred only a few years ago. I took a job as a controller for a golf cart manufacturer. The owner of the company would often have porn on his computer screen when I walked in his office and he wouldn’t even cover it up. He would often stand over my desk peering down my shirt. I watched as he ogled other women and I don’t even think he knew he was doing it. The shit he did to the male employees was deplorable. One guy worked almost 100 hours every two weeks for straight pay because my boss did not want to be on the hook for his overtime and his payroll taxes and such. He even had workers apply for unemployment insurance during the summer slow season even though they were working and then I would cut them a “check for stuff”. I knew what I was doing was wrong and it gave me ulcers and I had a few seizures while I worked there. I knew that I would be fired when I sent an email asking him if I should book a porn site subscription to Dues & Subscriptions or Owner Draw. ( One of the company charge cards had charges to a porn website, I did my due diligence and Googled the charge to see what it was…Ugh!!!) Okay I can be a disrespecting asshole as well. Anyhow, back to why I can not vote for big cheese, a vote for him, is like a vote of silence and saying it is okay to treat women as objects instead of human beings. A vote for him is a vote for saying it is okay to treat others that are not in the same class differently. For any women that can watch him denigrate women, no matter what political affiliation they pledge, then you are the problem. Oh, here, as a bonus, if you are believing that he is going to save the suburbs from a great horror of people like me, you know, Hispanic, Democratic woman, think again. We are not going away.

If this post has affected you in some way, any way, I am not sorry. Silence does not solve problems and can cause pain for years and manifest in many ways and affect a persons health. Often, I have questioned the Creator, and yelled, screamed, cried “What the fuck?!?!” or the usual statement I often speak to the Heavens, “Really?” Then I remember to take some deep breaths, redirect, refocus and keep going. This is what I have been doing for the last 50.5 years. THen I thank God and keep going. Somehow, I know that I have had divine help and intervention guiding me along the way regardless of all the stuff that I have been through, how else could I have gotten through all the road hazard that I have encountered and still be here to type this sentence right now?

To you dear reader, where ever you are and what ever you are going through, have faith and get there safely.

While I am releasing some past hurts, to you, the asshole that I thought was reaching out to me (a few years ago) to be friendly (our parents knew each other and I knew your Grandma, she lived next door!) I had blocked those incidents out of my brain until you reminded me by Friend Requesting on FB over the years to see if I remembered what you did to me in elementary school. You asshole, have a daughter and I hope she never encounters a predator like you! Shame on you!!!!!!!!!!

2 Comments Add yours

  1. I admire and applaud your courage in speaking your truths, Michelle.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks Jeff. It has been healing in a weird way. After I posted it, I felt lighter and probably the best I have felt in years, despite this heat.

    Hope you are staying cool. It is finally 100 at 11 PM…


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